DISCLAIMER! I'm not sure how this entry is going to turn out. Futhermore, this is only my experience. Don't read this as "I'm the only one who has dealt with it."

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In my quest to figure out where I fit into God's world, I'm realizing more and more that I don't fit.

My actions - even with the best of intentions - are not recognized. And I'm beginning to be ok with that. Its an ever-present reminder that God demands my full allegience, that nothing else matters. He decides where to go from there, not me.

This makes for a confusing journey sometimes. Maybe I just make it confusing; I've been known to do that. ..

When I step out of the safe world of my apartment, I need to let go. I am not in control. Very few 'recognize' me. Few people look at me and think, "Now there's someone who I can have an intelligent conversation with." Who knows - I probably wouldn't even have an intelligent conversation with me if I weren't me!?!

I love to have fun. Lots of people know this. I love to joke. This causes me to consider what I show others? How do I appear? And is that portrayal accurate?

Well, yes, in some sense. Having a good time is a part of who I am. But its not all of who I am.

Surely, the way to draw people in is NOT by saying, "Now, let's be authentic, here!" That's a real ice-breaker! And besides, I'd likely be seen as 'cute' rather then 'wierd'. Ok, ok, both!!

Authenticity

The journey continues . . .