Never More Sure

I was annoyed last night. A friend and I watched the movie, “My Sister’s Keeper.” It’s the movie about a family whose eldest child developed leukemia, and the only hope of survival for her would be a donor that matched.

No one in the family was a match, so they’d have to wait for a donor that would be a match – unless the parents had another child. A genetically altered child.

The movie begins with the youngest child, Anna, the one brought into this world to save her big sister’s life. Anna explains how we as human beings come to be. Most of us are here by chance, she says.

Our spirits meet up with our bodies when two people – our parents, obviously -- havve sex. According to Anna, is generally a happenstance thing; usually the result of a one night stand. If, the two people actually do love one another, and do have sex, Anna still thinks most pregnancies develop out of failed birth control.

In 11 years of her young life, Anna – through her parents – did everything, from donating blood cells to bone marrow, to save her sister, Kate. However, Kate, eventually dies. The leukemia takes over, and she dies.

“Amazing Grace” is played at her funeral.

I’m not naive. I realize the song is used as a token song in nearly every movie where there’s a funeral. I get it. And it didn’t get to me until I heard the song used last night in that movie.

I think I know why, too. I was like Anna. Well, ok, not unbelieving; I always believed. I believed in a God that loved me. I knew that much. I believed in Jesus, too. Of course. Jesus died for me. I always knew that.

But, it’s different now. I didn’t, and still don’t, fully grasp the fact that God, the creator of everything, came to save this world….to save me. The more I try and comprehend it, the more mind-boggling it is.

I don’t get it. I struggle to accept this, as I do almost everything – good and bad – in my life. Oh, but I’ve never been more confident of anything, Unfortunately, though, that doesn’t cancel out the struggle.

So, then, I guess “Amazing Grace” – if it really ever was - is not a token song for me anymore.