Thoughts

I’m so tired right now, I could fall over. I should be in bed.

But, I’m full. Full of thoughts and ideas, full of gratitude, full of hope. I wrote, “I’ve never experienced as many emotions as I have in the last month…Christmas has a new meaning this year.”

This thing I don’t get – that the Creator of the world came to rescue us. I don’t get it.

I just realized recently how tiny we are. Earth is like a dot – A DOT – on the canvas of God’s creation. I don’t know what that makes me but I do know it makes me SMALL.

For the first time I honestly think, “Is God really still watching over me?” I’ve been such a putz; I’ve messed up.

You know, before my eyes were opened, I always kind of figured I was on God’s top 10 – ok, at least top 1 million – because He allowed me to have CP. And, I wasn’t, like horrible…… I did pretty well in life. For the most part. (This is embarrassing to confess! –Maybe only 2 people will read this! )

Wow. I don’t know what I was thinking. Apparently, I wasn’t.

Someone said awhile back something like, “The more we understand about God’s grace, the more we realize our need for it.”

I seem to be saying this a lot lately,… But, I think Inow know what that means. And it’s terrifyingly astounding.

I’m terrified because the irrational part of me – yes, there is one – thinks I may have missed the boat. God gave up on me. He has 6 billion other people to deal with, and I was a putz long enough! And still am!

Then the sane me emerges – which is more frequent these days. I kinda like it – and so does everyone else! I remember what I’ve been taught from childhood, and think about what I know to be true.

This God, who created everything hasn’t left me, nor will ever leave me. Not because of anything I did, or will do, either. But, because He says He won’t.

So, this puts a whole new meaning to Christmas. I am more at peace then I’ve had in a long while. God has allowed this stubborn, pug-headed girl to let go of this world. I have a pretty strong grip, too. Ask me to shake hands sometime!

How long will we have to wait?! I’m ready to go!!